She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
