We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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