If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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