mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
