My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
