Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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