He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
