I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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