You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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