like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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