Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
