So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
