In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
