You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
