I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
