His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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