even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
