my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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