i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
