So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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