i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
