Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
