apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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