i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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