Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
