Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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