The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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