where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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