Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize