....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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