Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize