I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think people are normalizing furries
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
