I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We need to get me chipped asap
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
