it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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