yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
