doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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