I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
