The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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