So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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