loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
