Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
