I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
