i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
