Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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