That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
