Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
