I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
