shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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