drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
