The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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