I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
