how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize