D3 body, D1 cock
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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