I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
