i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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