Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
