Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
