i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
