my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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