I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
