i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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