he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
